Becoming Nothing

Wednesday evening I arrived in what's going to be home for the next year - San Jose', Costa Rica.  Naturally, I was exhausted.  It was a long day of cars, airports, layovers and planes.  I was just thankful to get to my Tica's house to crash. I woke up Thursday morning, wondering if I was ready for this new life - One where I don't know the culture norms, can't really understand or speak the language.  Ready or not, this is my new home.  In an instant, I realized I am nothing. 

Please don't misunderstand the statement "I am nothing".  It doesn't mean that I don't have value.  I know my life has value, purpose and I'm created in God's image.  In that regards, I am something.  :)   

In this new country, culture and language, I've been humbled.  Everything I knew has gone out the window and I have become nothing.  I must learn to speak all over again.  I must learn to walk and live in a new place.  This is not easy.  Who am I that I would think that it should be easy?  I came knowing that it would be very hard and challenging.  I came knowing that there would be frustrations.  In order to learn, I must become nothing.

Becoming nothing isn't a bad thing, just because it's hard.  Isn't that what Jesus did?  He became nothing so that we could know the love of the Father and come into a relationship with Him.  He came so we could have life and live it to the fullest.  In order to be like Jesus, we must become nothing.  We must deny who we are in order to follow Him.  

The meaning of becoming nothing has taken on a new meaning and I think I'm understanding it more.  This realization came on Friday morning, sitting at breakfast.  I started crying because I can't comprehend what my Tica mom says to me and I can't really communicate.  I told her that I was frustrated.  She told me, little by little I'll get there. (At least that's what I think she told me.)  

Little by little. 

This new life is a process.  Life in itself is a process.  If we claim to think we've master it all, that's dangerous and really, we've missed the boat.  I know I'm FAR from being a master at anything.  And really, I am okay with with that.  And I know I must become nothing because I know that it's necessary.  It's necessary in my walk with Christ.  It's necessary in learning a new culture and language.  

I have to become nothing

Soon, very soon

I mentioned in one of my earlier blogs that I'm living out (or close to) living out my childhood dream of being a missionary.  In 16 days (that will be here before I know it), I'll be leaving my hometown of Weedville, PA to fly thousands of miles to my new home for the next year, Costa Rica.  When I tell people the next year of my life will be spent in Costa Rica (C.R.), they usually say "poor you".  I'm excited about going there, but my life in C.R. will not be an extended vacation.  No doubt, I will be living up every moment, but it'll all be invested in learning Spanish and the culture of Latin America.  Learning a new language will have it's challenges and there will be days I'll probably want to curl up in a corner and cry my eyes out, but overall I'm believing that it'll be good and I know learning Spanish is quite necessary.  After my year in C.R., I will head to Ecuador to make it my home and share my life, my Jesus with the people there.  And I need/want to be able to do it all in their language.  This past February, I went to Ecuador for one week and I vividly remember the frustration that I felt not being able to communicate with them.  I could recognize just words and certain phrases, but not enough to understand what was being communicated.  I made up my mind then, I would do whatever it takes to learn Spanish.  And so, in 16 days that'll be my life.  I will be living with a host (Tica) family for the next year (that's the goal at this point).  My Tica mom does not know any English.  I know very, very, very little Spanish.  I'm sure we'll become quite the pair as I struggle to communicate with her.  The good news is she's been hosting students from the language school for 28 years, so she will understand the frustrations that I'll face.  She'll understand if I ending up crying because I'm not sure what she's saying.  She'll be patient with me and help me as I learn.  For that, I'm thankful and I'm looking forward to this experience. 

There's much to be done in the next 16 days, while I'm still at home.  But I don't feel frazzled, at least not at this moment.  I'm trying to get my things packed up for C.R. and get a jump start in packing for Ecuador. (I'll come back "home" after C.R. to get my visa for Ecuador, then head off.)  I'm savoring my moments with my family and friends.  I'm so thankful for their support and excitement as I'm starting a new chapter in my life, but I know many of them are dreading saying "goodbye".  I'm sure many tears will be shead over the upcoming days.  Perhaps I should keep tissues handy wherever I go.  :)

I've been waiting for so long for this and I almost can't believe the time is near.  Sixteen days.  Wow!  Soon, very soon.