Becoming Nothing

Wednesday evening I arrived in what's going to be home for the next year - San Jose', Costa Rica.  Naturally, I was exhausted.  It was a long day of cars, airports, layovers and planes.  I was just thankful to get to my Tica's house to crash. I woke up Thursday morning, wondering if I was ready for this new life - One where I don't know the culture norms, can't really understand or speak the language.  Ready or not, this is my new home.  In an instant, I realized I am nothing. 

Please don't misunderstand the statement "I am nothing".  It doesn't mean that I don't have value.  I know my life has value, purpose and I'm created in God's image.  In that regards, I am something.  :)   

In this new country, culture and language, I've been humbled.  Everything I knew has gone out the window and I have become nothing.  I must learn to speak all over again.  I must learn to walk and live in a new place.  This is not easy.  Who am I that I would think that it should be easy?  I came knowing that it would be very hard and challenging.  I came knowing that there would be frustrations.  In order to learn, I must become nothing.

Becoming nothing isn't a bad thing, just because it's hard.  Isn't that what Jesus did?  He became nothing so that we could know the love of the Father and come into a relationship with Him.  He came so we could have life and live it to the fullest.  In order to be like Jesus, we must become nothing.  We must deny who we are in order to follow Him.  

The meaning of becoming nothing has taken on a new meaning and I think I'm understanding it more.  This realization came on Friday morning, sitting at breakfast.  I started crying because I can't comprehend what my Tica mom says to me and I can't really communicate.  I told her that I was frustrated.  She told me, little by little I'll get there. (At least that's what I think she told me.)  

Little by little. 

This new life is a process.  Life in itself is a process.  If we claim to think we've master it all, that's dangerous and really, we've missed the boat.  I know I'm FAR from being a master at anything.  And really, I am okay with with that.  And I know I must become nothing because I know that it's necessary.  It's necessary in my walk with Christ.  It's necessary in learning a new culture and language.  

I have to become nothing