Tired of "Chit-Chat"

I am not a fan of 'chit-chat'.  Chit-chat seems so impersonal to me.  I feel like sometimes people only chit-chat because they are forced into a conversation and don't know what to talk about.  I think this is why I sometimes appear to be a quiet person.  It's not that I don't want to talk, it's just I don't want my conversation to be meaningless chit chat.  I'd rather go deeper and hear the heart of a person.  

I love people and hearing what makes them tick, even if they're not having a good day or are going through a hard season in life.  I want to hear their heart.  I want to hear their dreams, the things they long for, things that make them laugh and cry.....I want to hear their lives. 

This whole issue of 'chit chat' has become an obstacle for me being in Costa Rica.  I'm learning Spanish and I can only make chit chat.  This is driving me crazy!!  

Currently, I live in a Tico home.  My Tica mom is so, so sweet.  We talk a bit, but I can only ask her about her day and what she did.  We have talked about recipes a couple of times, which I have enjoyed because I love to cook and bake.  She makes me laugh in how she communicates to help me understand what she's saying.  I'm thankful for those times.  But I can't get to know her heart.  I can't get to know how she came to know the Savior.  I can't ask her what God is teaching her.  I can't ask her about her life and see how it's shaped and molded her into who she is.  I can only make chit chat with her.  For now, there's not much I can do about it and that's a huge frustration for me.

How long will it be before I can get to know her better?  How long will it be before I can communicate on a heart level with any Tican?  Probably a little while longer.  Sigh.

I can't wait for the day that I can communicate in Spanish on a deeper level.  Until then, I'll just keep practicing chit chat and know that it will get better, I will learn more, and someday I will be able to have meaningful heart to heart conversations.  

My Constant Need

I can look over the past few months and see how different my life is.  Yes, my surroundings are different.  The culture is different and I'm starting learn how to communicate in a different language, but more about my life is different.  I am becoming different.  

This past summer, I started praying this:  

God, radically change my life!  Open my eyes to see your world in a way I've never seen it before.  Change the way I see Your Church (His Body) and give me a deeper love for it!  Constantly change who I am, so that I can be the woman You want me to be.  Give me the courage to hold nothing back and become everything for You and Your Glory.  

God's been working and completely striping me down of me.  Prior to C.R, I didn't think I had pride issues.  Now, I feel like I'm coming to God often (more times than I'd like to admit) in repentance and asking God to remove it from me.  God's been showing me the real me.  In the midst of showing me the real me, He's using that to make me into a better me.  Each time God reveals something to me that I need to surrender to His Throne is another time I say "Oh God, I need you!!" 

My need for Him has always been there.  Now though, it seems like this need has intensified and I am in desperation for Him.  There is much that can hinder me and there is an enemy that seeks to destroy me and take my focus from God.  I need to need Him!!!  

I think of the words of the hymn, I Need Thee Every Hour.  

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;

No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

    Refrain:

    I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;

    Every hour I need Thee;

    Oh, bless me now, my Savior,

    I come to Thee. 

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;

Temptations lose their pow'r when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;

Come quickly and abide, or life is vain.

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;

And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;

Oh, make me Thine indeed, Thou blessed Son

In the truest sense this hymn describes my heart!  I really do need Him every hour.  I could go even farther to say my need for Him goes down to each second.  Because I know without Him, I am nothing.  I also know that abiding in Him has been the greatest joy of my life and I want that to remain.

I never want my need for Him to go away. I want it to haunt me.  So, I'll continue to pray that God would radically change me.  In doing so, I'll constantly be faced with my need for Him.