Gaining ground and the stumbles along the way

About a year and half ago, I started one of the hardest journeys of my life.....learning another language.  So many people say that spanish is an easy language to learn.  Perhaps it's easier to learn that a lot of other languages, but still learning it isn't necessarily easy.  Well, at least it hasn't been for me.  

My year at language school was a hard one.  One filled with almost daily occurrences of stress and anxiety.  And let's not forget fear.  I dreaded speaking this new language I was learning.  When asked a question, I would freeze with the deer in the headlights look. 

My biggest moments of fear came the last few months of language school.  I was still struggling to communicate effectively and knew my time there was drawing to an end and I'd be headed to Ecuador to do ministry and the world of spanish would be become so much larger.  

I came to Ecuador with the same stresses and new ones were added to my life.  I admit that I still dreaded speaking.  New anxieties came.  The spanish accent was different and people spoke so fast. I had such a hard time figuring out what they were saying.  How was I to come alongside to build relationship and minster to these people?  

In December I had to return to the States because of some visa problems and ended up being there for two months.  During that time, I asked God to intervene and remove all the stress, anxiety and fear that I've been experiencing.  I wanted to find joy in the midst of spanish.

The Lord is faithful always!

I returned to Ecuador a bit nervous since I had been out of spanish land for 2 months.  But God answered my prayer.  All the fear, stress and anxiety was no longer there.  And I've been learning to find joy in the midst of spanish.  

Granted I still make so many mistakes when it comes to speaking.  And often have to take the long way around to say something.  But it doesn't stress me out.  

There are moments where I don't understand everything.  Like this morning I was talking with my friend about the economy and social groups in Ecuador and I got some of what she was saying, but not all of it.  (I was thankful for my digital recorder that got it all and I can go back and listen to it later to put the pieces together.)

I still stumble a lot.  But each day, I'm gaining a little bit more ground.  

I'm still learning to let go of my weakness to let God shine more.   Each day I'm making progress here too.  

Learning spanish has been so much more than actually learning a language.  It's been full of opportunities for God to refine and purify me.  

For Him to chisel away all the garbage and things I seem to hold on to for too long, like fear, stress and anxiety.   

My God is greater than all those things.  So. much. greater!!   He offers peace and freedom.  Which makes me wonder why I tend to focus on stress.  I have no clue.  

I don't claim to have it all together, but I do desire each day to make strides to gain more ground.  Yes, in spanish, but more so in my walk with God.   I'd rather be known of a woman that desired to pursue His heart than one who spoke spanish very well.  

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.   Philippians 3:12-14