One of those days....

Today is one of those days.

One where I find myself disappointing a teacher because of my decision not to take the huge final exam for certification in Spanish.  My reason is I don't need the certification for my ministry, so why put myself through such stress.   But I confess in a moment, I realized how much of a people pleaser I can be and thought about taking it just for my teacher and I felt guilt because I'm not taking it.  

One where I miss my beautiful green purse I gave to my cousin Carrie.  It's been 11 months and not one thought has given towards it until today.  And I find myself grieving it.  

just a note:  For those of you, who are non-missionaries or have never lived in a foreign country for a lengthy time period, may think it strange to grieve a purse.  Actually, grief can be experienced over a lot of things.  Yesterday it was sweet pickles.  So strange, I know.  This is something you cannot understand until you've experienced it yourself, so please don't be quick to judge.  

One where I just want to drive a car and sing to the radio.

One where I don't want to study one word of Spanish.  

One where I miss my best friend and just want to sit at the piano at church and chat with her. And while we're there, sing a song or two.  I miss her harmony.  

One where I want to sit on my front porch in PA and the only sound be the wind chimes and not the traffic that zooms past my apartment in CR all the live long day.

Yeah, one of those days.....

Please don't think "poor you".  I'll be okay. I was made to persevere. Just sharing that these days do happen in the life of a missionary. These are not the type of days that are ever shared in newsletters, because doing so would disappoint many that have the illusion that missionaries walk on water. The only water I can walk on is when it's frozen and that's not always safe.  

So what do I do on days like these?  Ah, that's the important question.  Well, if I need to cry, I cry and not feel any shame in that.   Because my Heavenly Father knows and cares about each tear and the heart that sheds them.  I rest in His embrace, because He loves me and He's the one who's called me to be a missionary.  He understands that there will be things I miss - my family, friends, my house in PA, driving, seeing a sky full of stars, Natural Jiff peanut butter and sweet pickles.  

He knows that my tears are for a moment.  He knows I'm not giving up on the call. He knows I'm not going to irrationally pack up bags, say 'adiós' and forget about this life.  Are you kidding?  I wouldn't trade this life!!  Living as a missionary has been my dream since I was 4. Missions is what my heart beats for.  

I'm so incredibly thankful that I can serve God on foreign soil!!  

I'm thankful for my senders that make sacrifices and pour their finances into my ministry so I can live this life. 

I'm thankful for being able to experience different cultures and continually learning Spanish. (Lord willing, one day I will be fluent!!). 

I'm thankful for the ministry God's been preparing me for in Ecuador and that in 10 weeks from today I can finally be a part of it!!  

I'm beyond thankful for the amazing and hard lessons God's been and is teaching me!!!  

And believe it or not, I'm thankful for days like today.  These days keep me grounded and give me a little extra Abba Father time.

I'm blessed!! 

So, today I will study a bit of Spanish...because I do have a grammar test on Friday.  :)  

I will definitely rest in the arms of the Father, enjoying His blessings.  

I will go to bed early, which I am excited about.   

And Lord willing tomorrow will come, where all His mercies will be made new.